Valentine’s Day has a way of touching something tender in many women. Whether you are in a relationship or single, there is often a quiet longing underneath it all, the desire to be seen, cherished, adored. To feel chosen. To feel special.
And I want to say this gently and honestly, there is nothing wrong with wanting romantic love. Wanting closeness, intimacy, and devotion is deeply human. At the same time, this year offers a different invitation. One that does not replace romantic love, but deepens it.
This Valentine’s Day, what if you became your own Valentine?
Romantic Love and the Love That Lives Within
Many of the women I work with give love generously. They are thoughtful partners, devoted mothers, loyal friends. They pour patience, kindness, admiration, and effort into the people they love. Yet when it comes to themselves, something tightens. Self-love becomes a task, a concept, or worse, another expectation.
This is not about the familiar pressure of “you can only be loved if you love yourself first.” That idea often creates more shame than healing.
In trauma-informed work, especially in Internal Family Systems, we speak of the Self, with a capital S. Self is not something you earn or practise. It is your core essence, calm, compassionate, curious, and clear. Self has no agenda, no judgement, no demand. It simply is.
Healing is not about becoming someone new. It is about remembering this inner frequency.
When a Song Becomes a Mirror
There is a German song I often think of around Valentine’s Day, Für mich soll es rote Rosen regnen. The title translates to “For me, it should rain red roses.”
The lyrics speak of a woman claiming her right to joy, love, beauty, and fullness of life, not asking permission, not waiting to be chosen, but allowing herself to receive.
A client once told me she had always thought the song said “For you, it should rain red roses.” Hearing the real lyrics moved her deeply. It reminded her that she had spent a lifetime offering love outward, while forgetting to turn that same devotion inward.
This song is not about ego. It is about self-respect. About allowing life to meet you with abundance.
If you prefer to listen or watch, I also share these reflections in my short video, where I speak about Valentine’s Day as an invitation to turn love inward and to meet yourself with the same tenderness you so freely offer others.
An Exercise in Remembering Love
I’d like to invite you into a small, embodied exercise.
First, gently close your eyes. Take a few slow breaths. Let your shoulders soften.
Now, bring to mind a moment when you felt flooded with love. It might be holding your baby for the first time, looking into your dog’s eyes, standing in nature, or loving a partner so deeply that tears came. Let yourself feel that sensation.
This is the frequency of love. Energy that is real and measurable, as beautifully explored in the book Levels of Energy by Frederick Dodson.
Now comes the second part, which many women find surprisingly challenging.
Imagine gently pouring this same loving energy toward yourself. Not fixing. Not improving. Simply offering it.
If you notice resistance, that’s okay. This exercise often reveals how easily we send love outward, yet hesitate to receive it inward. And that is precisely why this Valentine’s Day can become something different.
Who Is the Perfect Partner Standing Beside You?
So often on Valentine’s Day, we focus on what we want from a partner. This year, I invite you to turn the question around.
Who are you as a partner to yourself?
What are your values, your qualities, your inner dialogue, your emotional availability? What is your energy like when you are with yourself?
This is not about becoming perfect. It is about becoming present.
A Date With Yourself
For Valentine’s Day this year, I invite you to schedule a date with yourself. It does not have to be on the 14th of February. And it is not a practical walk or an errand in disguise.
Choose something that feels nourishing and intentional. A long bath, a massage, reading a novel you never have time for, sitting in silence with a candle. Something that says, I matter.
Healing happens within, and it also asks for action. When inner intention meets outer care, something shifts.
And from that place, love, whether romantic or not, flows more freely.